Space: The New, Final, Different Frontier

The last movie I saw with my dad was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the live action one from some years ago. I really enjoyed it. He most likely didn't. Well, 19 years has passed since then (holy shit) and finally we got to go see a movie that we both loved!

I've been skeptical since the start on this one but man, did the geek in me like this movie. There is a 4-part comic book prequel to this film which I highly highly highly recommend reading before seeing the movie. It fleshes out lots of background story and also familiarizes you with Leonard Nimoy's Spock and his current political and social situation (any Next Generation fan will be pleased), as well as what the heck is going on in the 1st scene of the movie since the comic literally ends the moment the movie begins.

I'm a very casual Trek fan, I know enough to get by and could easily convince non-Trekkies that I am a Trekkie with my minimal knowledge of that universe. The best part of this film is the overall idea that it brings a new standard of rebooting a franchise for tv and film. It's nothing new to comic book readers, as reboots, retcons and revamps are just a part of everyday lore (and often, frustration).

A quick plot synopsis is that Old Spock was setting out to prevent the destruction of Romulus, having promised the Romulans he would do so. Nero, the captain of a simple mining ship was rushing home to save his pregnant wife, only to arrive just in time to see Old Spock fail as the planet is destroyed leaving them the only local survivors. Old Spock's attempt to quell a supernova blast was to inject it with 'red matter', creating a singularity (black hole) and eating the energy blast. Well, his timing was a little off because the planet died and a singularity ended up sucking up Nero and Old Spock into a time warp...and that's when the movie begins.

So, in a way, this movie takes place in Next Generation time because Old Spock and Nero are both from the current continuity we all know so far. The beautiful thing that happens in this movie is that Nero and Old Spock existing in the past creates a new timeline which we now follow...keeping the old Star Trek timeline fully intact! Everything that happened happened but now Nero and Old Spock are trapped in this new timeline they've created and everything we know and love still gets to exist but it all comes about in a different way in this new timeline! Confused? Then you don't read enough comic books!

This movie is a very in-your-face setup for a series of films and the characters can go anywhere from here. They're all aware the timeline was altered and they already lived an adventurous life and made their place in history, however, they're also aware that that history will co-exist along another timeline and they're now free to set a new destiny for themselves in this newly born timeline. If that's not kick-ass cool then I don't know what is. This is the first time this kind of mind-fucking continuity is being layed out on a major film franchise and I think it's awesome.

Hey, He's From "Iron Man" 2! I mean "too"!

Just finished watching last week's "Lost" and last night's "Chuck", who knew they'd be connected!?

Sayid's father was played, ironically by Sayed Badrey. I said to Kim, "Hey, he's from "Iron Man"!" He was the first henchman bad guy he took out and left for the villagers to do what they wanted with ("He's all yours"). I thought that was neat.

Then we watched "Chuck" right after and holy shit, it's Shaun Toub and I said "Hey, he's from "Iron Man", too!". He played "Yinsen" who helped Tony Stark make the Mark 1 suit and now he's trying to kill Chuck! What a jerk!

Anyway, this concludes your lesson in synchronicity. Two seemingly unrelated events forming a common bond, in this case, the infection of the Iron Man movie on our television lives.

If you happen to be watching the Iron Man movie when you read this, that's just spooky.

Space Station is Way Over Our Heads

From his garage observatory (technology doesn't just shrink laptops, people) in England, Mike Tyrell made a video of three passes of the International Space Station (ISS) over his humble home.

Why this is awesome!
It's the future, bitches! This is the home to 3-4 humans at any given time. The project is a global success and within decades, we're going to look up and see the ISS float by in plain view with our naked eyes. You can see it go by now if the light hits it just right, same with satellites. They just look like floating stars whizzing across the sky.
View the (probably boring to most people) video HERE.

Implications of seeing cool stuff like this!
Imagine cities on the moon that we can just watch through a telescope one day, watching moon-chicks take showers! With tweaking, if we find a habitable planet in the near future, we might be able to view city formations if we can adjust our telescopes with new technology. That would kick ass.
I'm excited about entering a new age of space exploration, people are getting more interested in the cosmos but a lot of education is needed because the #1 thing I realize when talking to people is that they have noo concept of just how god damn big the universe, our galaxy or even just the space between Earth and the Moon is. This is a video that tries to put it in perspective, though the narration is a little bland. Even so, the page will link you to other relevant material, too.

The Source of All Humour

Humour is much more scientific than any one of us will ever admit to. Here are some cool articles I've come across that break down our senses of humour into evolutionary processes. Takes the funny right out of it, don't it?

Source of all humour?

Testosterone is why men try to be funny.

Universal Theory of Humor Explains Our Success as a Species

Evolutionary Theory takes a serious look at humour.

Dear Asshole at "Watchmen" Last Night....

First off, thanks for coming late.

...And making the poor guys down the row move down to make room for you, since they came an hour early to sit where they wanted, and you showed up during the previews like an ass.

Second, thanks for sitting your trio right fucking next to me. It looked like smooth sailing and I was almost going to enjoy the movie until you came along.

Your girlfriend was next to me, creating a barrier between us. For which, you are lucky.

Your girlfriend probably didn't need you to lean over every 2 minutes to explain how what she's looking at is just like in the comic book you read.

You could have just told her before it started that you've read the book and were really looking forward to the movie. Instead, you reminded her how like the book the film was constantly. She did not seem to care according to her many "Oh"'s and "Alright"'s.

The friend you brought, who sat to your right three seats over from me, clearly had read the book, too. Him having read the book, you pointing at the screen to point out something he had probably seen for himself already was really not necessary.

Especially every 30 seconds.

The opening credits are a summary of a number of events throughout the book. You liked them. I know this because you did the 'ok' sign with both hands afterward and announced "Perfect!!" for all to hear.

The Comedian's murder in the opening scene triggers a number of events througout the story. It's one of the most important scenes in the book. You enjoyed the film version. This I know from your individual round of applause at the end of the scene, accompanied by a retarded "Ya!".

Shut the fuck up.

Hollis Mason has an owl clock on his wall. Oh I get it, he was the first Nite Owl. And he has an owl clock on the wall. Fucking cute. I don't need you to say "Ha, an owl!" outloud. I can see it. It's white and it's on the wall on the 50' wide movie screen I'm staring at.

There is a map of America on the screen during a superhero meeting. Nobody can read what any of the pinpoints say, it's just a prop. Why are you leaning forward in your seat and pointing at the map with your arm fully extended asking your friend what it says here, here and there?!

I give you the shut the fuck up look but don't want to disturb your poor girlfriend. You don't see me because you're too busy asking for friend if he "Saw that". Which I assume he did.

Your friend is missing what's happening now, though, because you won't stop talking to him.

The issue where Dr. Manhattan exists continuously at any moment within his lifetime is my favourite part of the series. You don't know this because I sat quietly as this sequence began. It is also your favourite part of the series. I know this because when it began, you turned to your, surely by now ex-girlfriend, and erupted (after a loud slap to your knee) "This is my favourite part of the book!"

By the way, nice brown cap. The movie has scenes from the 40's, that doesn't mean you have to dress the part. You dick.

The actor playing Rorshach's phsyciatrist is a good fit. I agree. But you don't see me shouting "Aw that guy's perfect", do you? No. Know why? Cause I'm not a dick.

The fat guy in jail, you've seen him in another movie. You know when you should bring that up? ... AFTER the movie!!!

But just to be sure I know which fat guy you're referring to, lean forward and point at the screen like there's a button on it you're trying to push.

There is an explosion near the end. There is a brief moment of silence before the explosion. I know it's coming. There's an instant of silence to make the explosion seem much more dramatic. During this silent moment, I do not need you to put your hands together in a ball, then spread them apart until your arms are fully extended while making an explosion sound.

The movie is over. Josh, me and your girlfriend all get up to leave. You sit her back down because you want to watch the credits. You probably know somebody who knows somebody who knows a guy through Facebook that was a grip on the movie.

It's the next day and you ruined the movie for everyone around you. I truly hope you are now single, have one less friend, and did in fact go home and fuck yourself.

"Wonder Woman" DVD Kicks Some Serious Ass

DC seems to have smartened up with not only their direction in film but their execution. When I heard this year's direct-to-dvd was "Wonder Woman", I was less than excited. I gave "Superman: Doomsday" a stellar review last year and was expecting a lame follow-up. Was it because she's a woman? Probably. I'm a jerk. What of it.

I'm a little taken aback at how much "Wonder Woman" kicked ass. There are few movies with such a short run time (an hour and thirteen mins) that mix action, comedy and backstory so damn well. Nathan Fillion (Mal from "Firefly" or more recently known as "The Hammer", which is his penis by the way) made me laugh out loud. There is a running 'crap' joke, believe it or not, that I found just hilarious. It's first use by Queen Hippolyta was awesome since it was so blunt. It's final use and punchline near the end should have been more of a kicker but only due to Keri Russel's light delivery, a tiny bit more emphasis on the word 'crap' probably would have shot milk out my nose. But enough about crap because this movie wasn't! (zing!)

Any time I hear "origin story" I think 'yawn' but apparently if you throw a shitload of hot "supermodels in battle armor" shoving swords through people's stomachs and cracking their opponents necks, it actually turns out pretty damn good. The original story of how Diana (Wonder Woman) is sent from Themyscira to "Man's World" (in this case, eastern USA) is pretty much intact. During her origin, that comic readers like myself are so familiar with, some awesome backstory is layed out that makes the rest of movie completely engaging. Other Amazonian ladies, who I'm only lightly familiar with, are given not just interesting character but you see relationships develop that have a big payoff later on. This makes the action much more interesting because on the surface, it's lots of cartoony punching (ie, one punch might throw someone flying a whole city block). The climax jumps back and forth and never misses a beat, I was actually quite into it and everything they writers were throwing at me, I soaked right up.

But if you're still not convinced, Wonder Woman is 6' tall, long legs, black hair, blue eyes and has some huge melons (which even get a close-up...seriously!)

Next year we get an animated "Green Lantern" story, which I anticipate almost as if it were the feature film (which will be coming out late '10 or early '11). With great characters and action, I think they're testing the waters really well, and smartly have the original animated series writers, producers, etc on board that made their animation department a hit in the first place with Batman: The Animated Series. I'm not sure if they're setting up on cohesive universe, though, as the Superman film had Supes being kind of a veteran and now we're getting Wonder Woman and Green Lantern's origin stories but whatever.

Jeff's Review of Friday the 13th XXVVIII

I've never been an aficiando of horror movies, my brother made me watch them and if he didn't, I probably would have never seen a single Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street to this day. Steve had (has?) a special hard-on for Freddy but Jason never got left behind. The last one we watched was probably Jason Takes Manhattan, which sucked balls, because he only took Manhattan for pretty much the last 20 minutes of the movie. However, he did knock a guy's head off in one punch and nothin-but-netted it into a garbage can.

Jason wasn't truly scary to me until he came back as a zombie through some wierd mojo and as he got slashed and hacked, he would then be missing certain body chunks in the following films, which was kind of neat. The part that made him scarier after the resurrection was that he was an unstoppable force walking around thinking nothing but "Kill it!".

I, and the world, wrote this series off when Jason's soul was jumping from person to person and the 'zombies' were eating people's hearts to keep him alive...I don't understand it either, but it happened. Due to this write-off, I have yet to see Freddy vs. Jason, which I actually do intend to watch as I hear that, despite being silly, it's not a bad slobber-knocker.

I did see Jason X on the space ship but my brain decided to erase it so I actually don't remember anything aside the fact that I watched it, and that's probably enough.

Anyway, be warned, this 'review' will be chock-full or spoilers but since it's a Friday the 13th film, I don't think you're going for the plot anyway so read on, if you dare...

The 1st twenty minutes of this movie could have been the whole movie and I would have walked out satisfied. A quick re-do of Jason's mother's death sets up the Crysal Lake mythos in a nice minute and a half. Cool, I get it, time for murder-death-kill.
A group of teens are walking into the woods, talking to eachother as if their dialogue were being read as they spoke (classic F13? Yes). Seems they're on the hunt for some Crystal Lake pot, which has a very special curator (though it will be to some debate to horror-nerds whether this is actually Jason's pot or just happens to grow nearby as it's never officially established). In any case, they get too close and piss Jason off. He checks out the scene and thinks of some clever ways to kill them off. Oh, and there's boobies. After much killing and a few boobies, we get the title screen, now the movie begins!

One of the pot girls looks a lot like Jason's mommy, who I guess he has a hard-on for and keeps her as a souvenir. Good thing she's not dead because her brother is riding through town for the billionth time in the last month looking for her. Despite the fact that he's been there looking for her before, so much that the sherriff knows him by name, he later mentions he has yet to try looking on the opposite side of the lake. Not exactly detective material. He ends up meeting up with a truck full of douchebags and their hot girlfriends which makes the viewer think "Hey movie, kill those douchebags and show me those titties", to which the movie responds, "Okeedokee".

Speaking of douchebags, when Graham and I saw the film, there was some douchebags in our row talking through the whole thing. Graham gave them the evil eye. There was another douchebag a few rows up who took a phone call mid-movie! Well, that was the last straw for Graham who turned and yelled "Get off your phone! What the fuck!", to no avail, the man had to get yelled at my our same-row talkers (ironically) before finally...continuing to talk on the phone. But we couldn't hear him any longer so who cares.

Anyhoo, the majority of the movie takes place in two locations, Captain Douchebag's cabin and Jason's Crystal Lake township. You do see each kill coming, but Jason never simply kills someone, there is always some cool weapon used or just something nearby that could impale someone, most often a 3 foot long machete (which, when injected into a females head it embeds itself so tightly, you must show her boobies to get it out again).

Basically, you get what you came for and all this boils down to is, is this a good re-start for the series? I would say, yes it is. It updates things just enough. There are certainly a few flaws, the only one that really is kind of 'what?' is that Jason finds his famous hockey mask only coincidentally just after his original mask of a bag gets torn up. Kind of a throwaway for something so important to his image. Graham (who I saw the film with) also pointed out some poor foreshadowing, there is a buzzsaw in the shed that is shown not once but twice, making you go "ooh, what's gonna happen"...and it never gets used! Rip! Jason is also a full-on human again...or is he? There is a hinting line in the film that after Jason drowned and his mother went on a rampage...Jason came back. Hinting that if he died once, he can come back from death again! Good news, considering the best thing about these films is how the heroes always find a way to kill Jason at the end. This movie proves that the old formula works and you don't need to put Jason on a spaceship just because we've seen him kill at a camp before.